My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
