This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
