i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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