there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
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