There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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