a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
