I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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