When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
