If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
