I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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