You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
