so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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