So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
