Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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