I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
