tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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