Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
