Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
