just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
