I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
