Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
