I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
