he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
