NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
