ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize