I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
