worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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