i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
