how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
