I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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