I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
