I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
