My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize