Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am one with the molecules
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
