He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
