I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
