i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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