Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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