Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
