god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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