He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
