WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
