I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
