What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
