I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
