he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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