i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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