there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There r osticjed everywhere
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
