Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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