i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
