Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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