Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
