dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
