Define "chronic" masturbator.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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