We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
