did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
