ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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