just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
