the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
