God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
soo... how was my night?
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