Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
