is your mom at the bar?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
